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Archive for the ‘Nerdy Schtuff’ Category
Well, the Sushi Bar suffered a major network outage this morning when “a backbone router went bad in the Mzima network center.” Thank you so much, Web Host Guy, for that completely confusing clear and concise explanation of why I could not blog or email all morning long and was forced to do actual work.
Oh, woe is me, woe is me.
Anyhoo, my planned post for today – a recipe for Apple Upside Down Cake (you’d think after last week I’d be sick of posting recipes…you’d be wrong (’cause this cake is like to DIE for)) – had to be rescheduled and I now have to finish that actual work I started, so you get this brief description of Sunday afternoon.
Beloved and I drove out and about locally, trying to get some photos of the last fall foliage here in northeast Ohio. Alas, most of it was gone, but it was a lovely day for a drive and we still got some good pictures. While framing this shot:
An old train depot turned into an art gallery
this drove up:
A retro ambulance
It appeared to be fully functional as an ambulance; there was a stretcher in the back and what appeared to be some modern medical equipment.
At first, I just stood there, waiting for the light to change so I could get my shot, but after a few seconds, I thought what the heck, and snapped a picture. I waited a couple of more seconds, then snapped another one. Then I just started snapping pictures right and left and the driver started laughing at me.
I shrugged – “Hey, it’s a cool ambulance.”
The driver gave me a thumbs-up – “That’s fine – snap away!”
Then the light changed; I mouthed the words “THANK YOU” at him and he gave me a friendly little salute as he drove away.
There are definitely some perks to this whole “small town America” stuff.
I knew you’d all just be dying for an update on yesterday’s Close Encounter of the Technical Kind, so here it is.
He bailed on me.
‘Tis true – he informed me that the PIA SmartCard Software was terribly out of date and no longer supported, then proceeded to tell me he didn’t know WHY I couldn’t print a test page or install the most recent version of the firmware, suggested I call the manufacturer of the printer (which is no longer under warranty so they’ll charge me through the nose to tell me to go to www.non-standardprinter.com to download the driver), and hung up.
So, I uninstalled the driver and the printer, reinstalled them, got the computer to not only recognize the printer, but allow me to install the latest version of the firmware AND print a test page, then Googled for the kind of software I needed and found – then purchased – a version that not only didn’t need the stupid SmartCard license, but could be downloaded and used immediately upon purchase.
And it only took me ALL. DAY.
But at least I’ll be ready for all the retailers who insist they need eleventy-thousand gift cards when the holiday shopping season begins the Friday after Thanksgiving…but won’t remember to order them until the Monday before Thanksgiving.
So, anyone care to join me in a cool, calming place where we can think happy thoughts about blue-eyed polar bears?
How about the creek in the park by our house?
This week’s Spin Cycle is all about routines.
Everyone has them. Some people cannot live without them. Ours are fairly boring – we are, after all, in our mid-40s. Our idea of living on the edge is spontaneously deciding to go to the new Japanese restaurant that opened down the street after work – and that spontaneity waits for us to go home and let the dog out and feed the fish first.
Our lives will become even more routine once The Young One has returned from Texas and begins high school (yea gods!). Which is fine – it is comforting, even. By the time this all comes about, I’ll welcome it. Routines are great, as long as you don’t become completely bound by them.
And therein lies the rub. You see, my routine has been completely disrupted today by the necessary installation of a non-standard, non-plug-and-play printer and some non-standard software that requires a “smart card” software license to run on my laptop. I’d already installed these several years ago on an old laptop that finally went up to that Big Operating System in the sky.
And I remember what a complete pain in the ass they were to install. I remember having to call the people that sold the damn things to me and speaking to their tech support.
I hate talking to tech support.
Not because they can’t do their job, but because they do too good of a job. You see, they have their routines, too, and their routines consist of speaking with the technically ignorant all day, every day. And because they speak to the technically ignorant all day, every day, they don’t know what to do when they come across someone who knows what the hell they’re doing but just needs a little help.
“Hello, tech support.”
“Yeah, hi – this is Jan from That Software Company. I’m in the process of reinstalling the Non-Standard Printer and PIA SmartCard Software y’all sold me on a different computer. I’ve downloaded the necessary drivers and got my laptop to recognize the printer, but it won’t print a test page. Also, when I go to run the Software, it crashes when it attempts to initialize the SmartCard license. Can you help me out here?”
“Okay, ma’am, first you need to download the printer drivers…”
“I’ve already done that. My computer is recognizing the printer, it just won’t print a test page – it says it’s downloading the data and just hangs there.”
“So to install the drivers, I’m going to need you to turn off your printer and go to www.non-standardprinter.com/drivers and choose your model from the drop-down menu.”
“Excuse me, but I’ve already done that.”
“Oh. Uh…okay, to install the driver, you’ll need to find out where you saved the executable on your hard drive and have it install to the correct folder on your hard drive.”
“I’ve done that too – look, I’ve got the damn printer installed. The computer recognizes it. I just cannot get it to print a test page.”
“Oh. Okay. Well, let’s see if it’ll print a test page. To print a test page, you’ll need to -”
“I KNOW HOW TO PRINT A TEST PAGE ALREADY! IT WON’T PRINT THE %$#&ING TEST PAGE! CAN WE DO A LITTLE TROUBLESHOOTING HERE???”
“Ma’am, there’s no reason to shout. If the printer won’t print a test page, all you need to do is say so.”
It’s going to be a very long day.
There will be no Money in the Bank post today. My most sincere and abject apologies to Smart Mouth Broad…but did I mention we decided to buy the bookshelves?
For those of you who might have missed it, we have been debating on whether to buy some solid oak, hand-crafted bookshelves from some lovely Amish guy who does stuff like that or a stupidly expensive 200-pound ceramic smoker/grill.
The bookshelves won out. So, a couple of weekends ago we toddled down to the Amish furniture store and ordered them. They’ll take 10 – 12 weeks to be completed (these are BIG bookshelves), but that’s okay because it gives us an opportunity to decide which books we’re going to keep in the living room on our pretty new shelves and which will be relegated to the basement on our old, tired and mismatched bookshelves.
Yes, we have that many books.
So, we found ourselves in Half Price Books in Cleveland Saturday afternoon where I bee-lined it to the cookbook section and Beloved bee-lined it to the non-fiction section; I emerged with two of Julia Child’s cookbooks, a cookbook of wok recipes and The Oxford Companion to American Food and Drink, a fascinating compilation of articles and essays on just about everything to do with how we eat and drink in the U.S. Beloved got a book on Oswald, one on Nixon and a couple of other things that I’m sure will put me to sleep in no time flat are equally riveting. After that we mosied over to the “literature” section where I found both an Anya Seton and a Robert B. Parker Spenser novel I didn’t own (“I didn’t know there were such things,” observed Beloved) and he got more insomnia cures riveting material by Norman Mailer and Gore Vidal.
Then we looked up and saw…THEM. On the top of the shelves, row upon row of classic books, in excellent condition (“I don’t think these were ever opened!” marvels Beloved) and instead of wearing jackets or dust covers, each was ensconced in the niftiest little box/case you ever saw. We gasped as our eyes widened and we clutched each other. Then, at the same time, we both said:
“Oh, those would look SO COOL on our new shelves!”
Because we’re nerdish like that.
So we began pulling them down. Or rather I bellowed squeeled things like “OHMIGOD LOOK AT THAT TWO-VOLUME EDITION OF GONE WITH THE WIND” and “I MUST HAVE THOSE THREE COORDINATING VOLUMES OF ALL THE SHERLOCK HOLMES STORIES” and “HOLY COW THAT COPY OF GRIMMS FAIRY TALES IS GORGEOUS” and Beloved pulled them down, because he’s 6’1″ and I’m only 5′ tall.
All in all, we walked out of there with two huge boxes of books. And we were just as pleased as punch, because we’re nerdish like that. Afterward we went and checked into our hotel and then went to go see B.B. King, which was something of an adventure that I’ll write about later. (Let’s just suffice to say that at 83, the man can still belt out a song.) And as planned the next day we spent several hours touring the Cleveland Museum of Natural History, which was also a great deal of fun (I’ll write more about that later, too). At one point, we strolled into the museum gift shop.
Where we saw…THEM.
A set of polished bookends made from petrified wood found on the Oregon/Nevada border. We gasped as our eyes widened and we clutched each other. Then, at the same time, we both said:
“Oh, those would look SO COOL on our new shelves!”
Because we’re nerdish like that.
So we spent waaaaaaaaay too much money this weekend for me to participate in anything that has to do with actually saving it.
And petrified wood is freaking heavy.
When I sat down to write this week’s Spin Cycle post I started to say, “I know more about survival than I ever cared to know.” Which isn’t true, once I really consider the statement. The things I’ve survived have helped to make me the person I am now.
An alcoholic, drug addict father. Abandonment. An orphanage. An abusive step-father. A bad marriage. An even worse divorce. The death of my mother. Poverty. Single parenthood. A blended family. Teenagers. Menopause.
Microsoft updates.
I truly believe that whatever doesn’t kill you only serves to make you stronger, and I fully intended to write this post about one of the worst things I ever survived. Until I woke up this morning and realized that Bill Gates had done me a huge favor by installing a ton of updates and rebooting my laptop – without my knowledge or consent.
And guess which idiot had left half a dozen applications open the night before, with half-finished and unsaved work in each?
Why, yes – I would be that idiot. So I stared at my blank screen with my eyes half-gummed shut and a mug o’ java in my hand (oh, shut up – you try giving up caffeine AND alcohol and see how well you do) and realized well, shit – yesterday was the second Tuesday after the planets all aligned in the House of Saturn coinciding with the anniversary of the end of the First Punic War and that’s when Microsoft always schedules its updates.
Silly me.
And as I began to write the post on survival, it occurred to me that everything in my life that I’ve survived has had at least one benefit – they have all ended. Well, except teenagers and menopause, but I know those things will end.
Microsoft updates? That shit’s FOREVER.