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No Jeeps This Time – Just a Helicopter with No Sides
When we went from the Big Island to Kauai, we were so relaxed they could have poured us out of the plane (my meltdown at the sight of the orange Jeep notwithstanding, of course). Bearing that in mind, we only had one “adventure” scheduled for the second half of our trip: a helicopter ride through Waimea Canyon and up the Na Pali Coast.
We got to Kauai about 2 o’clock in the afternoon and had scheduled the helicopter ride for the first thing the next morning – we had no intention of waking up early any of the remaining days. So the next morning, we got up at the crack of absurd and headed out to some dinky little airport down on the southern tip of Kauai…where they made us sign our lives away after watching a 30 minute video about how we could die in a huge ball of flame should our helicopter crash.
Oh, there was the whole “This is what to do in case of a water landing” schtick, but I’m no dummy – I’ve seen enough movies to know that any helicopter will blow up immediately should you so much as look at it cross-eyed.
So, after signing 47 different forms where we absolved the psycho Vietnam vet helicopter tour company of any liability should we suffer from death or dismemberment, we were sent outside to wait for our ride with another pair of loons couple.
And wait.
And wait.
And wait.
After awhile, we were approached by a pleasant but slightly nervous young woman who asked us if we were the folks waiting for such-and-such ride. We replied to the affirmative, and she informed us that she was so sorry, but we could not take the tour that day – all of their helicopters were busy in a search-and-rescue operation, attempting to find another helicopter that had crashed in the island interior the day before.
It’s the kind of announcement that’s guaranteed to leave you speechless.
Yes, even me.
We were given the option to have our money refunded (tempting, because the whole thing wasn’t exactly inexpensive) or to come back the next day for our ride. Beloved and I are a couple of raving lunatics prescribe to the World According to Garp theory – you know, when they’re shopping for a house and an airplane flies into it, and Robin Williams’ character declares they should buy the house, because it is certain that nothing like that will ever happen to it again. So we figured we’d been insured against crashing, and made arrangements to come back the next day.
Hey, I never claimed we were smart. The next morning found us getting up at the crack of absurd yet again, wending our way back down to the dinky little airport where a large, bubble shaped helicopter awaited us.
A large, bubble shaped helicopter with no doors on the sides.
Apparently, the side doors hinder the view of the backseat passengers, which was – naturally – us (something about how short, fat, middle aged women throw off the weight balance of the vehicle). So they removed them. The psycho Vietnam vet pilot took one look at my pea-green face and cheerfully exclaimed:
“Don’t worry – centrifugal force will keep you from falling out!”
Excuse me – but aren’t the blades on top of this thing supposed spin around and the body stay more or less stationary? (I knew I should have paid more attention to the whole physics thing in high school.) He then further put my mind at ease by adding:
“The only thing that could make you fall out is if you jump out!”
Yeah, well, at that point I wasn’t exactly ruling it out.
But I climbed up and was harnessed in; I don’t think astronauts lifting off from Cape Canaveral are strapped in as tight as I was. This was reassuring yet nerve-wracking at the same time – I was less likely to fall out, what with all that nifty centrifugal force, but would likely be unable to free myself, unassisted, should we plummet to the ground in flames and I be the sole survivor (and I wasn’t quite ready to be the subject of a Lifetime movie-of-week).
Needless to say, I didn’t fall out and we didn’t crash, and my expression of abject terror changed to a huge, goofy grin the minute we left the ground. The views of Waimea Canyon and the Na Pali coast were breathtaking – we got some great pictures, which I printed out on photograph paper and gave Beloved to frame and hang on his office wall for Christmas the following year.
6 years later, realizing that we aren’t getting any younger, Beloved and I began considering taking a cruise somewhere – the whole idea of the biggest adventure we have is the 24/7 all-you-can-eat buffet and a nice spa treatment is extremely appealing. Of course, mere days after we began to seriously look into it, one of Carnival’s cruise ships caught on fire and 2 others were attacked by pirates.
We really ought to book a cruise before the statue of limitations on that whole World According to Garp thing runs out.
cool. I think I’d be too scared to ride in a helicopter… I don’t even like planes that much. But it must be great to see things to high up, and maybe it’s safer than a hot air balloon? I live John Irving, haven’t read that book though. Or seen the film.
SSGs last blog post..Another post that changes tack half-way through
I hate helicopters. I’ve never been in one and don’t ever intend to go in one.
I think that partly stems from my fear of flying, but partly because of playing flight simulator games and realising the helicopters are damn hard to fly…
As scarey as it sounds I would love to go on a helicopter ride…especially one with breath taking views. I would also love to go on a cruise some day…that sounds heavenly right now!
Loris last blog post..Manic Monday
Can’t be any scarier than a hot air balloon ride, can it? I’ll be the unhindered views were spectacular.
Di
The Blue Ridge Gal
Dis last blog post..Through The Stomach
Ooooo! We went to Hawaii 5 or 6 years ago and took a helicopter ride from the Kona Coast over to Hilo and back. Spectacular!!
Lindas last blog post..The Journey Home
I’m afraid of heights. Which translates into a fear of flying. Planes are bad enough, I can’t handle the thought of a helicopter. Briefcase and I rented a JEEP (oh yes we did!) and drove thru Waimea. That was scary enough! Have you done that? OMG … sheer drops of billions of feet from precarious road! Gah!
Very pretty though … if you can bear to open your eyes and LOOK.
Twenty Four At Hearts last blog post..All I Wanted Was Some Soap, Part II
John and I couldn’t afford a helicopter when we were there. Now, I’m too chickens*it to get in one. He must be kicking himself for skipping it the first time. Waimea is gorgeous.
Sprite’s Keepers last blog post..It’s Tuesday, It’s Random, You Should Expect It Now
LMAO @ your Garp theory. I loved that movie and the book. Sure it all seems funny now but I know that terror rationalized or not is still terror and this time it was justified for sure. Yikes! I’m so glad you lived to tell the tale. *wink*
I Need to Get a Life.
I’ve always wanted to ride in a helicopter. And I love your reference to the World According to Garp. Very clever!
Beths last blog post..You can’t judge a book by it’s cover
People who live in Hawaii don’t take helicopter flights – they read about ALL the crashes!
But it really is fantastic. I had flown in one before – from West Maui across the channel and up the slope of Molokai, buzzing the top of the mountain and then having the ground drop out from under you as you cross the 150 meter high Northern Sea Cliff that protected Father Damien’s Leper Colony (St. Damien now I guess) – was astounding. Even I was a little nervous about not having doors – but oh my – I’ll never take another one with doors! What a sensation!
Well you just talked me smooth out of taking a helicopter tour of Kauai. Planes make me nervous and I’m thinking a helicopter ride would send me right over the edge…..literally. My heart is pounding just reading this story. Unlike you, I would have considered that delay a sign that i shouldn’t go and I’d have kept my happy butt in bed and never known what I missed. LOL
midlife slicess last blog post..Another Reason I Do It
Beeeeuuuutiful! I have never been to Hawaii and I’ve always wanted to go. The helicopter with no sides? I don’t know if I could do that.
Thanks for delurking! Any friend of Suzanne’s is a friend of mine! I will be seeing you around!
Jasons last blog post..Was He Born This Way?
first: I confess that I do agree with the theory that the worst has already happened, that being said, there is not enough money in the world to get this pansy of a woman on a helicopter
jessicas last blog post..IS HE DEAD OR IS HE "DEAD" DEAD?
This would have been perfect for your “Adventure” Spin Cycle post. (Which, BTW, I’m still working on, how sad is that? I’m hoping I can somehow polish it up and turn it into a “Survivor” post.)
So, I’m jealous. I want to go to Hawaii and I want to ride in a helicopter.
One more thing – if you book a cruise, make sure you get to the port the night before. It’s worth the extra expense of the night in a hotel. Trust me on this.
Gingers last blog post..A Red Margarita for Ruby Tuesday
Oddly, i think i might like the helicopter ride better than i like plane trips…TUT loves the Heli-Jet, good for you following the Garp principle…i need to remember that one.
thistles last blog post..Stranded on A Deserted Island? What Would You Take?